I am at Suzuki cello camp. Again. Somehow I gave birth to a child who loves being with people. I don't think there are any genes for this on either side of his family. For generations. But still, I am trying to address his needs, and he loves getting together with swarms of young kids playing string instruments.
I want to tell you that he is gifted. He is. Who else has a six-year-old who practices cello extra each day, on his own? But what I also want to tell you is that I don't know if I’m going to make it. I hate talking to the other parents. I hate the stress of looking at the bow holds of prodigies and thinking: I'm not doing enough for my son. I always forget to check his bow hold before he plays Minuet.
I know I've done a good job of helping him to find something he loves. But I don't know how long I can keep it up. He should go to group lessons but he doesn't. I don't want to drive the two hours each way for the extra lesson. If I don't want to do that, should we just stop lessons? Should someone else drive him? Should I stop worrying so much?
Yes. Of course, the answer is to stop worrying. But how do you homeschool your kid and not worry? Because you homeschool by turning your back on the team effort of the whole school system. It's just you: making a fresh, new, maybe-bad decision every day of the week.
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You may want to consider and check out something closer to you. I'm thinking Dubuque, Iowa. I googled the keywords "dubuque cello group lessons" and found many entries including the Northeast Iowa School of Music (NISOM) at http://www.nisom.com/whatwedo/overview.html . This mission and general overview statement page includes the following sentence – "Goals include offering private and group instrumental and vocal lessons, as well as group music classes for preschool children, home-schooled students and adults" – as well as other good pieces of information. It's still a long way to travel but less than two hours each way.
Posted by Mark W. on August 10, 2011 at 6:38 am | permalink |
You know, the folks in the school system are just as capable as you are of making maybe-bad decisions every day.
They are (perhaps) just not noticed as much, because they're in a larger group – except by those who watch them closely every day. (Eg. The Farmer likely can notice an ailing animal on the farm from within the herd, because he knows the herd well. You probably can't unless it's pulled out on its own. Maybe not even then.)
I think that the folks in the school system have been taught to be fearful, and are acting out of fear most days. Fearful of litigious parents. Fearful of being accused of abuse (particularly sexual). Fearful of being judged a "bad" teacher, simply due to standardized test results.
When fear rules any system, that system weakens and eventually fails.
How do we remove fear from the school system, restore bravery, and reward those who make a successful conversion?
The corollary to the meta sense of your post is: How do you (Penelope) disabuse yourself of your fear of interacting with other people so that you may allow your gifted child to grow into the artist he may very well be?
Posted by christy on August 10, 2011 at 7:55 am | permalink |
Yes, let go of as much of your worry as you can, because you are doing the best you can to help develop their gifts. Do your best, and then relax and let yourself off the hook for all the other stuff that you can imagine that you maybe should also be doing…
Of course, look into creative solutions like closer group lessons. But if you can't manage a particular "solution" – then it isn't really a solution. I certainly couldn't drive my kids 2 hours each way on a regular basis (unless it was literally a matter of life and death, I suppose).
I was given so much advice about what I HAD to do to help my kids develop their talents, and I ended up following only a tiny fraction of that advice. I took seriously what my kids said they wanted in the present and didn't worry over-much about the future, and I took seriously the experience for the entire family, because commutes and schedules can impact everyone. Not only did things turn out fine, they turned out great – my kids did find passions and are achieving in those passions.
Trust yourself and trust your kids. I believe it was John Holt who said that nothing could be simpler – and nothing could be more difficult!
Posted by Cathy on August 10, 2011 at 10:49 am | permalink |
Yay…a homeschool section, too! Yes, one maybe good/maybe bad decision a day but a little more hope when it's you making them and not someone else. This way we can make the need adjustments instead of trying to move an entire school to meet one child's needs, eh?
Posted by Dina on August 10, 2011 at 10:07 pm | permalink |
I think you shouldn't define how good a parent you are by how closely your behavior aligns with other parents. You write about this all the time, people's strengths and idiosyncrasies are varied. At a parent-child Cello camp, of course you'll see mostly parents who make great Cello coaches; the rest have already quit, or never tried to begin with.
But you're still there, and as a result your kid gets to learn the Cello. You're beating the odds already if you ask me.
Re-define your parenting success by asking yourself, what are the really key things I've learned in this life, that I maybe know better or as well as anyone else? And then hold yourself to the highest standards when finding effective ways to transmit that wisdom to your kids. Evolution of the human race depends on your success there.
But everything else? Cello practice? Don't worry so much, overcoming those hurdles is part of your kid's challenge and you have to accept that. Besides, like your good friend Tim Ferris might argue, many of the things those parents are doing probably don't even fall under the subset of 'things with the most impact' anyway, since so much of our teaching customs are ritualistic in nature.
Posted by Gustavo on August 11, 2011 at 3:39 pm | permalink |
Gustavo – I love the idea of taking all the productivity stuff I know from my work life and applying it to my homseschooler life. I'm sure you're right that there's a lot of suzuki parenting stuff that I don't even need to be doing. I just haven't even looked at it that way to figure out which parts are which. Thanks for the fresh approach.
Penelope
Posted by Penelope Trunk on August 11, 2011 at 6:13 pm | permalink |
Group lessons are great, but don't underestimate the sacrifice of driving for that length of time, not just for you but for your child. You do what's best and only you know.
Posted by Zellie on August 17, 2011 at 9:21 am | permalink |